Thats probably the result of you having a better stick than me. But on reflection I'd say thats true, I rarely manage to have totally level trim, owing probably to the trim resolution in DCS being coarser than it is in real life (maybe not), and I always prefer to be a bit nose heavy than tail heavy on the boom. If my stick weren't as crap I'd probably prefer nose heavy all the time. With what I have currently for a stick if I have too much nose heavy trim my nose up inputs feel jumpy.
I used to chase the boom, now I just chase the pocket. The boom finds you just fine as long as you're in the pocket and for me the hardest part is being at the right relative elevation to the tanker itself. If I just chase the boom and ignore my relative positioning I'll hook up but eventually drift too high or low or close and that can be awfully dangerous. The thing I pay most attention to on the boom is the coloured paint, but even then I perceive it as my depth within the pocket, no just on the boom. You can be at the right depth on the boom but too high or low on the pocket and get a disconnect that way.
Nowadays if I'm on the boom but sense my position in the pocket is close to the margins I try to maneuver back to its centre and the boom doesn't tell you this nearly as well as the visual cues from the tanker's fuselage and engine nacelles themselves.
I suppose everyone has their own way of conceptualizing the process though.